It was impossible to think that we could create this sculpture in two+ weeks but I was rooting for it and crossing my fingers. Here we are and we are close… but not there yet. Sometimes I set deadlines for myself with a bit of wiggle room because I have anxiety and never want to be without a paddle especially when I start feeling like I’m headed upstream.
So, in order to paint and to give time for the cement to cure… we have extended our Los Angeles leg of this project to accommodate this bee sculpture. Joy and I have been trying to create a three month sculpture in less than a month…. until now. Basically, I had a meltdown because it just wasn’t possible and Joy was like… “ok I knew this was coming.” And, now I can sleep at night. When you’re physically building a large sculpture on a tight timeline, it is important to have fun and sleep a lot. Today, I made Joy a super heavy necklace out of spare sculpture parts and she made me one too. Funny,,, how creating a necklace in five minutes makes an entire sculpture seem possible. For now, I feel proud of this sculpture because it is forward in design and concept and collaboration.
Listening to your body condenses the ideas of the head.
Some rockets fire>>>
Some lines get taught….
dressed in pale green
counting out hobos and Buddhas and ultramarine
stop…. extend the hours
for all the sea’s bees!
calendars done yeah
she’s so pre-disease
counting muscle rung by rung
she promised the deed would be sprung
I have been thinking a lot about South Dakota lately (where I grew up) and what it means to be where I am and how I should act when the going gets tough. The cutting torch was out of commission a couple of days ago and I almost had a panic attack because I felt like I should never stop building the sculpture or the end of the planet would somehow fall like a million tons on the backs of everyone who expected me to finish this newest metal feat. Then, I got contacted by an old friend from when I was in highschool working as a bagger at a grocery store. He was surprised that I was a sculptor now and it made me surprised that I am doing what I do. It is difficult… semi impossible… good… bad… frustrating and brilliant.
Joy and I are stressed out about our deadline. I miss home. And, I waver daily from thinking that I can deliver another sculpture on time and wishing I had time to spend time with the people I love. I am here in Los Angeles building this sculpture and away from Mike and my dog. This morning I cried a little and gave up (a normal part of my large scale artmaking) and then drank some coffee, ate some food, gave myself a hug and turned the welder back on. By the end of the day the tough wasn’t looking so bad and I felt like everything was possible.
When I got back to the house, Joy seemed to feeling the stress too. She has this mad cement laboratory… and it takes time for things to cure. She doesn’t think I understand because I keep wanting to see the first cement/aluminium panel attached… but I do!
The first step when you’re trying to do the impossible is to think that it can be done…. it will be unlike any bee sculpture that ever was… are there others??? If you’re out there we’d love to hear from you.
when you look in the mirror and see yourself
not like the bees ’cause they are working too hard to see themselves past
those days when you see yourself as a figment of your own imagination
framed as the subject of a toad documentary
a leader in smut
yeah the torch broke today
making it a bust
breaking my spirit enough to set me back
days because I should be a woman of vision
seen and heard for the imagination that makes me so special
‘cept when times are tough and the sculpture equipment
bites a hole in that delicate bubble we live in for good
Kinda blue x 2. It’s Sunday and I find myself in a whirlwind of making molds & listening to Miles Davis (a 7th day standard in the arsenal of my audio accompaniment).
Perfect I think (in moments perhaps a bit too much). Both share the inclination to make an impression. In my quest to craft the ideal concrete adornments for our Beyond Violet sculpture – what resonates…so many options. Alas, which to interpret? Perhaps the time has come to stop thinking, turn up the volume and follow the sound. It has not failed me yet.
Bees generate sound not only through movement of their wings but also with their thoracic muscles. Although they use these muscles to move their wings, they can uncouple their wings to produce heat and generate acoustic signals.
And I imagine they have a propensity for Miles Davis.
I went into a beehive for the very first time. And, it was soooo cool. Joy and Roland got me all geared up so that I could peer into one of their hives. We collected honey… we spun it… we were all in awe.
About time right? Especially since I am making a bee sculpture… I would have never embarked on this particular sculpture without out my collaborator Joy because she loves those bees. I learned a lot that day. The sound from the hive was as if there was a room full of thousands of welders making sculptures at the same time. One of the tricks when you’re welding is to make sure that the buzz from the machine is constant and not erratic. Today (the day after the hive expedition) was the first time that I associated the buzz of the mig welder to the buzz of the hive. When I got tired out, I thought about all of those female bees working tirelessly on the honey and the hive and the brood… It made me feel like I was a slacker and I got a second wind that came with the faintest scent of that tasty thick amber goo.
remember when life was easy?
well it wasn’t even then
cause the queen
she’s a fixture for brood
the workers know how to ensure they have
so many sisters that the queendom is livid as